For more than two years, I've been prattling on about life and beyond - mostly my own, with this weird big C experience. During the past 40 years I helped to raise, first with their mother Arlene Roy, then with 'interim' partner Carol, finally including them in my family with my current spouse of 22 years, my Beth. 10 days ago, Dan Roy, age 48, died suddenly while performing his beloved music in Rangely ME. It has pulled me again into deep musings about life.
Dan's life was full of peaks and valleys. He suffered the difficult divorce of his parents at age 5 1/2, and the descent into depression by his Mom. When the three came to live with me in Atlanta, he was a beautiful if troubled 8 year old, already playing the guitar. He was a beautiful wistful child, finding solace and energy in his music.
During the 5 years we were in Atlanta - where I was part of the 70's radical hippie community - I remember so well going to hippie music festivals in Piedmont Park, during which Dan, merely 9 or 10 0r 11, would drag his big guitar on the makeshift stages and play with the big boys. Those were the years too when he became enamored of the hard rock of groups like KISS and ACDC. His mom, brother Jim, myself and Dan would put on cardboard guitar "concerts" lip syncing to the music blasting on our cheap stereo.
As Dan grew, his music matured. After high school he took off with a variety of bands, playing small venue across New England. This bar band existence was is life for 20 years - he became well known in the local rock circles. This was also a time of some"valleys"; at points he lost everything, but always managed to put his life and his music back together. At a low point, he made friends over the internet with April, a local rock fan in Michigan who got to know Dan's music on the web. Dan actually went to Michigan to stay with April for two years. He hooked up with several local bands in the Detroit area, and played many clubs and festivals around the mid west. He met Ted Nugent and Joan Jett, and developed his own following.
Sadly, April died, and Dan decided to return to is family environs in Maine. He had gotten himself clean, and was determined to move ahead with his music. In Maine, he connected with musicians and formed his new band, TriPolar. During the last year and a half, TriPolar became a successful and popular local band, with plans to move beyond New England. Dan was performing with TriPolar when he experienced a massive heart attack that took him from us.
This past Friday, Dan's brother Jim, his woman friend Jess, his nephew Avery and his uncle Rene led an amazing celebration of his life and music. Family and friends shared their experiences with Dan - his larger than life personality, his humor and good nature, his foibles and high jinks. Rather than flowers, musicians were asked to bring their guitars. At least 30 guitars spread across the chapel as we all celebrated his life. We celebrated his recent success - he was happier than ever before, and at the top of his game. He left us doing what he loved, performing on stage.
Dan often exasperated his family, friends, those who love him. But always, his optimistic energetic hopeful spirit reminded us of how we adored his crazy energy, his zest for music and life. I hadn't seen Dan for over a year, although we communicated through Facebook, and talked on the phone. Dan, I wish I could see you one more time, feel one of your big bear hugs, hear that infectious laugh, that evil since of humor.
Losing Dan adds to my resolve, to live every day to the fullest with whatever time I have left. As I head back into chemo this week, I will fight for my life to carry on with passion and hope as did my Dan. I know you're up there with the big boys, wowing the best of them with your rifs, your original songs, your musical soul. With me, my Danny, your spirit lives on.
Am excited about working on the next One Book (community read) for Bristol Community college - The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks - by Rebecca Skloot. This amazing book recounts the story of a woman in the 50's whose cancer cells were the first human cells to be kept alive in lab culture - and the cells continued to live and reproduce so that even today the cells are alive. (see hela cells in color at right) These cells have been instrumental in research to find remedies for AIDS, polio, and many kinds of cancer. The book also tells he story of the Lacks family and how they were not informed about their mother's cells use in research. According to the book, the family suffered as a result, having been pursued for information, and have felt used and abused by the world of science. As a low income African American family, they went through years of confusion and anger, finally getting help from Skloot to gain credit for their mother. This book is written with sensitivity and care - I highly recommend it!
