TIME AND TIME AGAIN..

A long hiatus, dear readers!

I worked Thursday and Friday - have found that side effects are few this go round. I am so very fortunate so far!! Amazing what medicine has been able to do to minimize side effects. I am taking days to protect my immune system -at least 10 per month - this time has been a kind pf 'prep for retirement' exercise. Here I have all this time to write and draw and paint - and find I don't use the time to greatest advantage!

Working life has so conditioned me to focus on work tasks - to use up time. While I love my work, feel rewarded by involvement in supporting opportunity, learning and education, I find it hard to use this time to explore parts of myself I have hungered to seek out. In the last week, I have begun to allow myself more time for those things I have wanted to do for so long.

Time. How we yearn for it yet squander it. I think these days about valuing every minute, appreciating the fullness of experience. I have spent many hours in our recliner, looking at a side window on the yard. I have for the first time noticed how the view changes through the day, how light paints the colors and and shadows in such varieties and differences. I am seeing the world, now that I have the time.

So back to work in the coming week, determined to consciously value my days! As always, your responses and thoughts energize me! I'll be writing this week more about health care and research: my friend Linda Dziobek, a leader in the state cancer coalition, is providing me with lots of info and ways to be active!! Stay tuned! ApopSal

SURVIVAL OF WITTIEST

So I'm reading this fascinating book - The Beak of the Finch - about Darwin's theory of natural selection and survival of the fittest. I've decided that being born with this half full positive attitude has selected me to survive this new adventure.

Now, I won't be having birth kids to pass this on to, but I am determined to be living proof of how being positive and thinking future helps me survive. And I am hoping to pass this on to each of you - naturally selected - as my legacy.

I must say, I like the cartoon animal with squiggly horns - I would have chosen her to survive for sure.

The great thing about the message in the Finch book is the focus on the ongoing process and the variability of life and survival. According to the researchers in the book who have documented proof of the selection process, even the most minute variation makes a difference to survival. I am strongly convinced that in the human species, it's not just genetic physical selection and survival, but psychological/ attitude selection as well. Darwin called this 'cultural selection'. And I select at least 20 more years! Sal

TWO DOWN!!

Greetings followers! Had my second infusion Tuesday - so far so good. Am lucky that there are minimal side effects - so keep on keeping on.

Have been doing some interesting exploration about cancer research and funding. No surprise of course that most is subsidized by Big Pharma - seems that many alternative treatments can't find trial funding. Even the National Cancer Institute is primarily linked to Big Pharma. How we are controlled by big money! Of course, the stalled health care reform threatens care for so many - I'm writing lots of e mails to DC, for what it's worth. And of course, insurance companies push costs out of sight! In RI, insurance costs going up as the big money guys scoop up their bonuses.

I do try to find diversions as well: I'm reading a wonderful novel - "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" - a reminder of the viciousness of the Third Reich and the creativity of those trying to survive. Creative survival is a theme for me of late...

I am exploring all sorts of hear gear - all suggestions welcome... The possibilities are endless! Check in soon! xSal

SCROLL DOWN PLEASE!!

OOPS! Sorry - please scroll down for comments on the last post - cutting room floor - didn't edit enough! Sorry dear readers! Hairless herself

The cutting room floor

So dear readers, I began the week by cutting down my tresses to the 1/4 inch mark, but the molting continued, so I decided to GO ALL THE WAY (middle school health teachers, turn the other way) down to the clear pate.







Bro in law Don was already shaved in support, but needed a final touch up. Don, wife Trish and daughter (our beloved niece) Madelin came over for the shearing. Beth was determined to get to the bottom of things (or as it were, the top of things) and completed the shearing






With dedicated concentration, complete with Barbasol, the final fuzz came off, and - Lo and Behold, I was shorn.






The act of shearing does put one in a meditative state... I thought about the possibilities of joining a buddist nun order >>>




But quickly decided that it is not for me.


I move forward into the wonderful world of halleluya hats and stupendous scarves - or just celebration with friends and family!

Nothing like a new adventure in fashion!! xSal

Hair today...

Hair today - gone tomorrow! Had my hair buzzed today - not bald yet, but close. The tresses are indeed disappearing daily, so I decided to go shorty. It's a strange feeling, this shedding. I've had short hair for years now, but I am quite used to a minimal head o hair.

Indeed it's a reminder of the process I am experiencing - chemicals invading my spaces. But as the hair goes, I think shrink and look forward to hats. I've already received a few gems - and of course I am a scarf gal, so I'll begin learning the various ways to tie!

A reminder too, not to get attached! Of course there are other possibilities:

A new gardening project! I always did love green.

Think of the possibilities. Flowers in spring. Holly and ivy. Ragweed for those special occassions.

So when I see any of my loyal followers next - who knows what will be on top! Adventures adventures. Thanks for listening. xsal

Port of Call

Now here's the port I would rather be experiencing: Dinan France, on the coast - ah dreaming and planning! Went this a.m. to have the 'port' put in for easier chemo. Amazing that modern medicine can threat a line to your veins for easy entry. The procedure was easy - now I only have to 'hook up' each time - no more IV's.

Otherwise, hating to miss work - another day of 'rest' - but enjoying the afternoon sun at my window, and the ever increasing leaves on our fig tree - 'figgee' by name. Even the hibiscus in the hallway is sprouting shiny new leaves. Time to peruse seed catalogs and plan for summer. xSal

Hi all! Several of you asked where 'ApopSal' came from! I explained earlier, but here it is: Apop comes from Apoptosis (see pix at left) - it's the natural process of cell demise - the cell does itself in to make way for new cells - in a way that does not interrupt any body functions. The problem with cancer cells is that they do NOT do apoptosis - they live on in all their ugly hunger, growing, consuming, destroying. Many natural medicine folks believe that meditation and positive psychic force can induce apoptosis in cancer cells. While not proven scientifically, I certainlly am chanting apop apop when I meditate to shrink my monster! Therefore - ApopSal! Plus the word has such a lively sound to it, dancing towards health!

Today I am home of course, and happy to have had two good part time days at work. I have another week before my next chemo, so a return to almost normalcy. Am doing more drawing and sketching, which I love, and keeps me out of trouble. As always, comments, cards and support are so important - you are all so marvelous my dears!

On another note, we in the NE look with sympathy but relief at the southern snow: my Richmond sisters are not going to get the blitz that DC/Baltimore/Philadelphia are getting, but still, 5 inches on the 8-9 they already have is a disaster for them! Spring spring, where are you? Will send more research soon! xSal

February sunlight! Gleaming beckoning - the world is out here! I chat with the universe. Am feeling so much better - no more flu or pneu - can move ahead.

Sun is certainty but uncertainty - the reality. We humans hanker for certainty - just tell us what is true and real so we can keep our feet on the ground... ground? What is ground anyway? Went to my women's cancer support group last night - an amazing comforting group of long time survivors. Great to hear their stories - also the realization of the ongoing uncertainty with these monsters. Concentrate on Apop!

Am feeling pretty well, and actually going into work for a few hours today and tomorrow - at last! I yearn for the humdrum every day. Living day by day by day by... xSal

Well, got sprung today! Bro & Sis in law Donny & Tricia took me on a field trip in the country - to visit my love & partner Beth. Am learning much - first that health recovery means lots of WAITING. But waiting gives rise to thought. I am overwelmed by the love and support from so many - a gift of this monster is that my belief in the potential for goodness in our conflicted species has been confirmed. I am enfolded in love and concern from so many. (Thought friends would enjoy this most tacky of hearts - you all know of my fatal attraction to the tacky...)

A note for those with interest in info and advocacy on women's cancer: two sites - the Women's Cancer Network http://www.wcn.org/; and Eyes on the Prize - http://www.eyesontheprize.org/. Both have info on cancer and opportunities to speak up, volunteer, educate. Will be looking for local opportunities to add my voice

Waiting goes on... as does life! xxxSal

CHEMO HISTORY

So my dear readers, I am home from the hospital and recovering from flu and pneu. In this my leisure time, I am sharing some cancer treatment history. Somewhat lengthy, but fascinating!

We find that using poison to fight illness has quite a history! Some feel that the use of small amounts of strychnine for some diseases may have been the first attempt - before cancer and 'cells' were really understood. Then, there


was a discover that the chemical agent 'mustard gas', so deadly in WWI & II, actually helped to shrink tumors. Over the last century, researchers have played around with various toxic substances to attack those aggressive cells - finding success first with leukemia and other childhood cancers.





Interestingly, Joseph Burchenal of the newly founded Sloan Kettering Cancer Institute was interested in plant based chemicals and discovered that a successful chemical could be found in Madagascar Vinca (see this gem at right) - later researchers identified another effective plant based chemical in the Pacific Yew tree.



For those interested in alternative therapies, a plant called Essaic was discovered by a nurse in the US who used it successfully with cancer patients, but she could not get research funded, and today there is no official medical use. The official medical world sometimes recommends complimentary use of alternative therapies, but the chemo train rumbles on.

Today, the common chemicals used for my cancer include taxol (a taxene chemical) and carboplatin, a chemical with metal properties. I am fortunate that through experience, these chemicals are now complimented by drugs to combat side effects (especially nausea) and the doses are controlled so that side effects are not dangerously toxic for most. Some of my readers know that I was in line for an experimental treatment using so called 'biologics' - developed through nuclear medicine, that actually are designed to invade the cancer cell and induce the famous apoptosis. But my body won't cooperate, so I'm on the taxol-carboplatin regimen.

Will these harsh chemicals go the way of bleeding and other so called remedies? We are all guinnea pigs - but using meditation and planning for the future to carry us through. Any other info from my audience? All very interesting, my good friends. xSal