So, dear readers, my first week away from work was filled with family and frolic. After chemo on Monday and the usual Tuesday recovery space, my brother George came to visit on Tuesday night for a short two and a half day visit from Virginia. We had the great fortune to be able to use the Grossi family beach cottage at Charlestown RI for the three nights - wonderful chemo recovery space, complemented by the best possible June weather (despite dire predictions of storms.)

As Bro G said, the visit started with my space out - in my rush to get to the bus station to pick him up, I grabbed Beth's keys - and didn't discover it until half way from Providence to Charlestown. George was a champ, turned around and drove back to N. Providence, and we continued with our rambling dialogue - in the pouring rain! With the proper keys, we got to Charlestown and settled in for the first night of sea air (what healing breath.)

Over two days, we settled into our natural sibling chat - we share so many interests including progressive politics, philosophy, education, travel and people watching. We chatted on strolls to the beach, kayaking the beach pond a bit, lounging under the spreading birch tree, and eating steamed lobsters, steamers, little necks and corn. Now this is a chemo recovery path I recommend! I especially enjoy my brother's excitement about science - he teachers middle school science (after a 20 year stint as a computer nerd for the Navy!) We share a love for the periodic table (mine philosophical, his scientific) and our awe about our universe. Pic at left of our compass rose - great way to beautify a septic! There can be beauty in every function... p.s. earth wind, water and fire design by Madelin, age 9) Our conversations made me want to go back and take high school chemistry again, and physics for the first time - maybe this is ahead for me!

Our hours and days together were the best gift - I thank my brother and our partners.

Then - Saturday Beth and I hosted the "Madolympics" - a birthday party for niece Madelin, famly and pals in our back yard. We had a torch parade, amazing contests ( hula hoop tricks, ringtone dance contest, slippy slide marathon - the "Madolympics cardboard medals are treasures for all) topped off by a giant "jumpy house" for kids of all ages. My Beth of course created Madelin's favorite meal of chicken wings, rice and salad, plus killer guacamole and an almond pound cake! As more than 20 people gathered for the food and fun, I was reminded again of how important it is for me to be surrounded by family, laughter and love. I am one of the more fortunate humans in the universe! (Note the poppies - seeds from Mom who was there in spirit for this gorgeous day!) Life is a bloomin' miracle!

TIME TO PROCEED WITH LIFE!

Well, dear patient readers, a whole week without a post - what a busy life! (and early bedtimes) I had chemo last Monday, and worked every day last week, at least some hours. Now as I continue with weekly chemo, I am on leave. It's a strange feeling for someone who has been so career and job oriented (progressive adult and youth education - in the context of progressive social change). I have had a chromatic range of emotions as I enter this time to focus on getting healthy, evicting the little monster.

First, there is that weirdly exhilarating combination of fear and excitement: like the moments before you propel yourself into a back flip on the diving board. Where will I land? Can I adjust myself to this knew unknown function in space? What will I DO with myself?

Then there is the sadness: I will be out of the loop, I won't be identified with this greater purpose, I will become invisible.

Finally there is relief and a calm waiting: I have always actually looked forward to the unknown. So today, after another chemo, I walk in the garden, speak to the plants, admire the amazing summer blooms and concentrate on quieting my mind.

As noted by Mr. Majorium of the Magic Emporium: Life is an occassion - rise to it!

I will keep you posted! xx

BACk IN THE SADDLE

Hi all - just a note after beginning second round chemo. Carboplatin and Taxol today. THINK SHRINK! Beth and I went to the American Cancer Society Rhode Island survivor's day yesterday - a few interesting 'booths', a few speakers, but generally disappointing. Several of the hospitals had tables with information, and we DID get free chair massages. I had hoped there would be a more interactive opportunity, maybe workshops where we as ' survivors' could discuss more about integrated services, and the ways that things such as Reiki, massages, meditation, acupuncture support treatment, even reports of clinical studies, such as the dream study I am now a part of. Oh well, so much for that.

I do hope to do more research myself about such areas - such as the work being done in Texas and Europe. Will report soon! Otherwise, my garden is my best therapy, bringing the beauty and hope of blooms and new growth (the healthy kind!) Above is the Goddess of Spring in our garden with the unbelievable iris (blooms now sadly past) but below you can see the now blooming poppies, etc. I am determined to be as 'perrenial' as these amazing gifts of nature. Also the blue spot is a deck chair, an important kind of therapy for me this summer! I will be meditating and chanting from this chair on many occasions.

With the earth capable of such amazing presentation, why is it we squander our gifts, poisoning the mother of us all, possibly feeding unwanted growth (such as the big 'C') rather than cherishing the beauty that is our natural world?

As a species, are we capable of valuing these gifts enough to survive on the planet? Hmmmmmm.

SYMBOLS OF SURVIVING

I'm very excited about an American Cancer Society conference coming up this weekend exploring integrated treatments: providing psycho/social support along with chemo and radiation. The Women & Infants Women's Oncology Center has many integrated elements, including Reiki, acupuncture, a writing group and a new one for me: Exploring Symbols and Images as a Pathway to Positive Survival.

Yesterday I attended the 'Symbols ' group led by W & I Licensed Social Worker Sandra Shields. She is grounded in Jungian psychology, and believes strongly in the power of the unconscious and imagery.

We participated in a 'guided meditation' called 'slowing down time' - a wonderfully relaxing exercise for which we had lavender eye pillows and blankets (!) Letting go of the tight control of our conscious minds is so hard - but I was lulled into a strong meditative state.

After this, Sandra asked us to draw/paint any imagery that came to mind. For many, it was the image of floating, of water, and the image from the meditation of a slowly drifting feather. As I started to draw the image of a turtle came to me: I used my 'mandala' practice as a base, and drew a turtle based sketch with waves and fish and the moon.

Later, Sandra told me that turtles are one of the 'archetypal' images, representing female nature, longevity, unity between heaven and earth, survival through the long slow journey.

So I continue with my long slow journey, taking time to savor each day and each moment, learning about self in the world. Survival is on my mind for so many reasons beyond the personal: the terrible toll of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the criminal negligence of British Petroleum giving us the horrendous Gulf oil spill, the continuing struggles for so many to survive disasters, both natural and human made. We carry the world on our backs. xx