THE BIG 'C'

So I'll finally write about this 'comedy about cancer'. I researched the writers and found that two or three have had cancer; all have friends or relatives (2 of 5 of us they say). In talking about the 'pilot' the author and the producer say "it's time to bring cancer out of the closet". In some ways,the show is dumping a closet full of too cute gags, in other ways the show allows exploration of dark corners.



When I first viewed the early episodes, my reactions were polar - on the one hand, a recognition, a sense of relief that finally people can laugh. On the other, I felt the deep melancholy portrayed occassionally by the talented Laura Linny. As I watch her from week to week, I see her brilliance as an actress in the darker scenes - her expressions, the coming to terms with 'not enough time.'

By making her an upper middle class white lady who doesn't have to worry about co pays or other costs, the authors free her from the tragic drama of cancer for so many people. This also gives her the freedom to carry out her 'bucket list' in ways most of us cannot. Actually, among my favorite scenes so far was the couch burning - it was such a visceral reaction! I have seriously been thinking about which piece of furniture I want to burn...

As the show continues, Cathy's life gets crazier and crazier: she kicks her husband of 20 years out, takes on a sexy lover, lives more and more over the edge. I continue to watch with a kind of horror/ fascination: where are they taking this, and why? Also, her life as a teacher, ostensibly in summer school this season, is totally out of whack: the school seems to have absolutely NO oversite of what goes on in the classroom! (High school teachers - is that possible??)

The producers say they are planning for six seasons - 18 months in real time, covering one season a season (summer, fall, winter, etc.) The producer says "we are keeping up with progress in the field such as clinical trials" - but her diagnosis continues to be terminal. As is the diagnosis for us all, it's just that most of us don't have a date.

Barbara Ehrenreich, who has written eloquently and sharply about the over-cuteness of the breast cancer 'pink' tide also feels the authors err on the side of silly. I tend to agree, but have some kind of perverse enjoyment as I share both the hilarity and the shadows. Like everything tasty, it needs a grain of salt. xSal

MEMORY LANE

So the first round of this series is done - and I'm still thinking SHRINK! I have started writing at least an hour each day - friends have encouraged me to write about my crazy life, so I'm traveling down memory lane. Speaking of memory, we went to NYC for some appointments, and am going to be on a panel this weekend with two old friends who were my colleagues when I 'came out' in Atlanta, GA. Together with a group of energetic women we helped to found a 'feminist Lesbian' organization, the Atlanta Lesbian Feminist Alliance (ALFA.) Vicki is a feminist scholar and writer; Lorraine is a legal assistant with Lambda Legal in Atlanta, working on cases to further GLBTQ rights in this country.

Preparing has been quite a journey: a reminder of the 'creative' nature of memory, and how our backgrounds and experiences shape what and how we remember. Did this happen?? Did I make it up??? Those years in Atlanta - The Great Speckled Bird underground newspaper, Sojourner Truth Lesbian Print Shop, the Lesbian communes, the belief that we could speak out and change the world for the better - those years shaped my consciousness and my life.

One important memory captures my affection for a friend Jean Zorn. A woman in her forties, she had moved to Atlanta from South Georgia, and was a special education teacher. In South Georgia she was a Civil Rights advocate, and had been one of the first white She was also a wild hippie soul who joined our hippie radical community in Atlanta, and even lived in one of the communes. Jean contracted breast cancer, thought she was in remission, it recurred, and she passed from us in a year. I saw her often during her final year, and was inspired by her dedication to living those final months with creativity, passion and dignity. She lived life to the fullest, and at her final memorial, the gospel choir from her school in South Georgia sang "To every Season there is a time.." and "Oh happy day". Jean had written a letter to friends asking that we celebrate her life. You live in my thoughts, Jean!

So after this brief break am back and moving towards more chemo next week. Living with the 'Big C' (will write about that program this week!) 'Til I write again...
xx