ON BEYOND XANTHIPPE

So I,ve learned a new word... Xanthippe!  Check out this gal... me minus the rollers!!!  Me during  the last weeks of radiation!  ( Can't seem to turn off the underline - sorry!!!)  It really has been a strange and not so comfy adventure - like weeks on a tropical raft without shade...

But of course the treatment folks were grand - again I compliment them- to be so dang cheerful all day as you subject people to the rays...  takes a special kind of temperament.  Patients aged 6 to 90 parading through.   As noted in the past, I did meet many lovely folks - there is a definite connection as we await the rays.

But last week was the end of it - no more rushing home from work to the mask - no more bone deep fatigue, FREEDOM!!!  (You notice I've even given myself the fantasy red locks...

So Beth and I celebrated with an amazing weekend in New Hampshire at the Highlands Inn - an all gal spot on 100 acres of virgin (!) forest.    We were able to finally breathe free - share, laugh, cry, and absorb the wonder of the White Mountains.  And we did the Zip Line at Bretton Woods!  Nothing like flying down a mountain!   The sensation of flight if only for a few minutes, made me feel so alive - the exhilaration of the mountain air, the breath taking scenery, the fantasy of freedom from these recent adventures.  I am so fortunate that we could do this trip - and  move on to the days ahead.    So my word for the day is: DON'T WAIT!!!

 Of course, our next adventure might me camping out against Wall St. - that's another Zip!!  To be continued...

GABB SILENCED! LIFE IS IRONY!

Irony is surely the nature of life! Me, the healthy gal for 65 years - surprise! The Big C! Twelve months of chemo- positive Sal pulls through - remission. Surprise - I'm BAAAACK! Eight weeks of radiation - faring pretty well with side effects - this week - NO VOICE AT ALL! I'm telling you, dear readers, not being able to talk for Chatty Cathy herself is quite the challenge. I've become a talented whisperer. And a creative non vocal teacher!

It has propelled me to write more - I want to do this anyway. (Although I've been very neglectful of this blog of late - sorry faithful readers!!) I think it's the perfect dilemma for me, aside for presenting quite a few challenges at work. I'm considering taking up sign language - always wanted to learn it anyway!!

I'm reminded that listening and writing are both extremely pleasant. I'm learning more and more, and probably making more friends to boot. (How many people always wanted me to zip it....) Apparently my voice should return following treatment, but one never knows - maybe this too is an unintended gift...

And then today, a few more 'gifts' - first my "hyperthermia" treatment was canceled due to the fact that my neck looks increasingly like a plucked chicken - radiation is a bit warm - then after my radiant zapping, I go out to claim my car from the wonderful Valet service - and they've had an accident with my car! Someone quite violently backed into my front end,

according to the Chief of Valet - what a service!! (Doncha luv cars...)

I think the universe is testing my ability to stay positive - well - HA! I can laugh in whisper!! I'm still here, enjoying the beautiful fall, loving my students, hating politics, adoring Beth - you can't get a gabby gal down!!! I'll be back soon... xxSilent Sal

BCAA: LIFE WITH CHRONIC "C"

Greetings dearest loyal readers! End of summer, back to school busy work has taken me away from regular posting - promise to be back on the job!

As I commute back and forth to this daily radiation adventure, I am of course meeting a new wonderful community of patients. I am realizing how many of us are in the "Chronic C" world. This little bugger does tend to revisit us. But current treatments for "Alumnae/alumni" move us from the "acute" list to the world of chronic treatment. Most of my new friends are returnees - we've weathered the initial treatment, we're doing okay, just returning to put the C bugs back out of commission.

I find there is a calm, a wisdom in these colleagues: we've looked over the edge, and survived. We accept that our futures are unknown. We relish our survival and celebrate our daily lives. Chronic Cancer is not unlike chronic diabetes, or other conditions that require constant vigilance, but are survivable. We are no longer in shock from that initial diagnosis. We are living our lives.

I met a delightful fellow, only 48, who is an alumnus of prostate cancer, now in for radiation due to a recurrence. He is the father of three lively boys, and relishing living his life with them. There also was the lovely gal who ran an herbal magic and gift shop, a delightful Guatemalan woman with her lovely caring son who allowed me to practice my bad Spanish, and the loyal son full with his full of energy dad who entertained us with logic puzzles. We chat with each other with a sense of knowing, of accepting, of relishing our days.

These friends, members of the BCAA (Big C Alumni Association), are gifts in my life. I am reminded daily of the beauty of friendship and support. I'm still researching the issue of chemo shortage: will update in the next post! Thanks for your ongoing connection! xx

WAITING FOR REMISSION

So it seems, dear readers, that the world has a shortage of chemotherapy drugs - because big pharma is seeing a reduction in profits, and therefore not producing the drugs. Strangely, in order to keep cancer drugs from becoming too expensive, Pres. George Bush actually spearheaded the effort to put in price controls on certain drugs, including cancer drugs. As production costs rise, profits decline. The effect of this has been reduction in production by pharmaceutical companies. As reported by MSNBC, patients are now being told they must wait for treatment, with no promise that drugs will soon be available. For many, this is in fact a death sentence.

The response of fiscal conservatives/ free market folks has been to suggest removing these price controls - allowing companies to continue raising prices to insure large profits. Of course, this would mean passing costs to insurance companies, who would in turn raise premiums, passing on costs to the patient/consumer.

An MSNBC article this week highlights the plight of a Virginia lawyer suffering from colo rectal cancer. He has been told that his chemo drug is not available. This may in fact be fatal news for him. One of the drugs that enabled my own tumor to disappear, Taxol, is no longer available. Without this treatment, I might not be writing this blog.

CANCER COMMUNITY AND FRIENDS: WE NEED TO RAISE OUR VOICES!! OUR HEALTH IS BEING HELD HOSTAGE TO PROFITS. This is indeed a "death panel" for many of us! We need action immediately to save lives!

I have joined the RI cancer advocacy action group, and hope to promote loud voices and protests. All creative thoughts for action welcome!! xx

I'M RADIANT!!

Or at least, radiated... Just completed two days of nuclear blasting; one day of "hyper thermal treatment" to heat up those little bastards to extinction. Once again, a warm and lively staff to usher patients into treatment - everyone quite friendly as we see each other every day for six weeks or so!

Have learned that radiation treatment was actually developed in the early years of the 20th century, soon after common use of X rays. (weird that X rays can cause and cure cancers!) We can actually thank that goddess of science, Marie Curie who discovered polonium and radium. Today these have been replaced with the more effective caesium and cobalt. Ah the wonders of the periodic table, the most perfect concept ever created by humans! Despite our faulty logic, this description of basic elements actually works. Or so the scientists tell me...

And the weather is cooperating for sure. The radiant sun plus occasional showers is making my garden happy, and giving Beth and me summer joy. We've got cutting flowers on the table and fresh garden tomatoes on the plate, plus the magical creamy basil dressing, a gift from Mom. The daily gifts of beauty, love and of course the inevitable chaos continue... 'til later, xApop Sal

GOT TO GET BACK TO THE GARDEN!

Oops, this didn't publish earlier - out of sync, sort of like life, but always good garden thoughts...It's a stormy Monday, dear readers, and the first day of my vacation (pre-radiation getaway). We had a lovely summer weekend including dinner with Don, Trish and our beautiful Maddie, our Bell Street Unitarian meditation time, and a wonderful dinner with friends Ellen and Stu. I've captured the mid summer wonder of my somewhat crazy garden, complete with the amazing garden totem made by friend Sally W.

Friends, meals, garden time - these are a few of my favorite things! We are heading to New Hampshire this week for a mini vacation - just three days, but a wonderful adventure on an idyllic lake with the frantic family ( calmed by nature).

Gardens, green, nature and nurturing family are among the many gifts of the every day that grace my life. Our ability to feast our eyes on flowers is surely a sign of spirit in the universe. I am reminded of the privileges of my life, reading about the chaos elsewhere in the world, attempting to respond in some small ways.

Enjoy the week, dear readers - will report on our odyssey when we return! xApopsal

THE COVER UP

So they molded this wierd netting to my face - the base for my cover up mask during radiation. Quite a procedure!! Feels really strange and other worldly. Then then creat a radiation resistant sheild for my head and neck except for the targeted location of the lymph nodes.

My practice with meditation comes in handy - I have to stay VERY still for at least 30 minutes. There's always tests and more tests in this game - I guess they need to keep the economy going...

Well, at least my arrow is not through the brain! So Beth and I will be taking off next week to New Hampshire for our pre-radiation vacation (has a nice poetic ring to it.) It will be grand to be kayaking, fishing, watching stars at night at this lovely secluded spot - far from hospitals, treatment and tests! That's the kind of therapy that works for me!!

dearest readers, think of us as we pursue lakeside meditation - send vibes for sun and good fishing. Once again I am focusing on the beauties of each day, the joys of my loving partner, family and friends, and peace of acceptance.

May all my loyal readers have a lovely week - I'll be checking in soon!! xxxxApopSal