Thursday, August 12, 2010
WATCHING BIRDS
Dear Readers, the slow pace of summer has me lagging. This was a week without chemo - last go round before CAT scan starting next week.
As I continue to luxuriate on the deck, (I feel a bit guilty until I remember my real summer job...) I am amazed by the color of gladiolas and cosmos, I have had the time to watch the life of yard birds, and to listen to the constant chatter. They are busy!! What goes through the mind of a finch, a cardinal, a bluejay? Clearly they communicate with each other, and fuss at other species - it's so easy to anthropomorphize - imagine the finches griping about the aggressive and bossy blue jay, the hummingbirds asserting themselves - I may be small but I'm tough; the morning doves sighing - these little birds are so manic - and the cardinal as he struts - yeah, I'm handsome, appreciate me - believe me, she might have a toned down coat, but Ms. cardinal is the head of our household.
I guess as humans we want to think our habits and conversations somehow are universal - that our brains somehow reflect the universe. My life this summer has increased my suspicion that we know so little. What we think we know, our sense of reality, what 'makes sense', seems so inadequate in the face of the contradictions of our experience. How can we know about peace and harmony, and still make war? How can we have the concept of community and abandon those in misery? How can we envision health and healing, while allowing power and money to control access to aid?
I guess more people need to spend more time watching birds: not deciding what they think, but letting them teach us? Just a short reverie from the deck...
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
GONE FISHIN' AND REFLECTING
Dear readers, I continue to learn that the unexpected can be truly glorious. As noted, I was saddened that my Sis Sue couldn't visit, but am happy that she is on the mend. The change turned into a propitious opportunity for Beth and me! Our four days on Sargent Lake in NH proved to be a taste of paradise: a lovely little lake (how's that for alliteration?), perfect for kayaking, fishing and just plain ole settin' and reflecting.
I had forgotten the fun of fishing (can't seem to avoid alliteration today) - the concentration, quiet patient waiting, and joy of the bite! Beth proved to be the Queen of the Catch - with her huge mouthed bass! We DO have the pictures as witness, and it wasn't the one who got away! I managed to hook four little sunfish, not bad for a novice like me. And Madelin demonstrated her all-around skills with both sunfish and a respectible bass as well.
This mini vacay was such a gift to us: providing both hilarious family fun and moments of quiet solitude. In our journey of late, both Beth and I have needed this gift - thanks to nephew Matt and his partner Naz who shared their week at the lake with us.
In this chaotic troubled world, we were able to enjoy the treasure of time and togetherness. And you can witness the return of my hair as well! As I continue on this chemo trip, the lower dose of Taxol is allowing regrowth - it seems to be quite a crop, a respectable silver fuzz.
While I revel in the memories of these treasured days, I am beginning to plan a new project: connecting with a national "Make a Wish" type of support for adults with serious/ terminal conditions. Returning to reality from our little paradise, I reviewed our insurance reports, and realized that if I didn't have good insurance, the chemo, etc. would have cost me over $80,000 this last eight months. I am investigating the 'Dream' foundation out of California that provides 'wishes' for adults, including reunions with family and other important connections. I hope to use the effort as a platform to support national health care - with emphasis on the needs of cancer patients and survivors! Stay tuned!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
GARDEN DELIGHT
Dear gentle readers, a reminder: there is nothing constant in life but change! My sister Sue was supposed to come to visit this week from Richmond - but got sick, and won't be coming. As I nursed my disappointment, we received an invitation to go to New Hampshire to a lake cottage for three days - a mini vacation! Expect the unexpected!
This week my friend Sally Waldron brought an amazing gift to us: a garden 'totem' she constructed in pottery class. In the pouring rain, Sal and I (in our fetching rain ponchos) constructed this amazing piece of garden art - what a gift!! Now my garden is blessed and watched over by my totem.
There are few things in life that equal the value of a good friend. I am indeed honored! Enjoy summer and gardens, my friends.
A note to friends: I have mini surgery next week for my kidney 'stent', but all should be a breeze. Traveling to remission!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
VISUALIZING NORMAL!
Dearest readers, I have great news! One indication that chemo is effective is the reading of so called 'blood markers for cancer.' My markers have been steadily decreasing, and my doc told me this week I am in the NORMAL range!! (Not that I EVER feel very normal...) This does not mean the tumors are gone, but a good indication that the cancer is almost inactive. So I am very excited!
This has been a strange week - finally able to have chemo again - platelets and white cells also back to NORMAL. My body doesn't really love the chemo, but being home enables me to collect reserves to deal with the stuff.
I attended two groups this week, and listened while sisters in the big "C" recounted much more difficult journeys than mine. I am so very fortunate that my body is handling the infusions without severe side effects, as I say so often. Listening to stories makes one quite humble.
In our guided meditation/ art therapy group, I continue to invite images for my journey. I have been trying to upload my own butterfly ride sketch, but this will have to do. Beth and I attended the South County balloon festival on Sunday, and such a ride is on my bucket list! Almost as good as a butterfly flight!.
This has been a strange week - finally able to have chemo again - platelets and white cells also back to NORMAL. My body doesn't really love the chemo, but being home enables me to collect reserves to deal with the stuff.
I attended two groups this week, and listened while sisters in the big "C" recounted much more difficult journeys than mine. I am so very fortunate that my body is handling the infusions without severe side effects, as I say so often. Listening to stories makes one quite humble.
In our guided meditation/ art therapy group, I continue to invite images for my journey. I have been trying to upload my own butterfly ride sketch, but this will have to do. Beth and I attended the South County balloon festival on Sunday, and such a ride is on my bucket list! Almost as good as a butterfly flight!.
I am convinced that such imaging is a powerful vehicle in the journey to eject cancer. Will write soon, but for today am up and away. xx
Friday, July 16, 2010
BEACH, BREATHING, BONDING
Thanks to friend Marilyn I spent yesterday at a beach in Little Compton, RI. There is nothing as peaceful as time watching the surf - the ebb and flow are life renewing. We sat under an overcast sky, but the air was delightful with a warm breeze and the muted light created a meditative mood for us both. The time on the sand gazing at the ocean horizon helped calm my impatience as I continue to wait for my blood levels to come back. (Send psychic messages, dear friends, that I can do chemo next week - it's been nearly a month of delay!!)
Marilyn and I have known each other for over 30 years, and always have great conversations about learning, knowing, living and healing. In addition to being a reading educator, she has become a licensed therapist. She completed a degree in 'integrated therapies', and has studied a variety of healing strategies using Buddhists ideas and inspiration. Our conversation was another confirmation of the importance of breathing for our well being.
Today I had several long wonderful phone conversations. Sister Carolyn and I exchange thoughts on reading and art projects, Lorraine shared those radical hippie lezzie days in Atlanta, Judy is my best pal in RI. These cell phone ramblings again reminded me of the strange gifts of this time, that I am strengthening the bonds with loving siblings, family and friends who are giving me so much support. In my many hours by myself, I reflect on the these treasures , and the many ways that being enveloped by love is aiding my healing and moving me forward in this adventure. (How linear we are...) Of course, my loving Beth is my heart, and accompanies me on all the byways of this strange journey.
As with the ebb and flow of the tides, I am carried through this experience we call time. The day at the beach was an island of hours away from the everyday. Summer is a good thing...
Friday, July 9, 2010
BEAUTY OF BLOOD AND TREES
Greetings dear readers! Well, for a second week in a row, my blood counts prevented chemo - this adventure has led me to think about our amazing river of life, our blood. I am fascinated by the connection through blood we have with our world and our universe. The heart - lung system is really quite a wonder - and as we as a species have learned more about our physical system and it's relationship to the broader systems of life and energy, we are now able to use it to repair and replenish our physical selves.
The oxygen - carbon dioxide connection has always intrigued me. I love the fact that this system connects me to trees! I give them CO2, they give me oxygen - a mutual life giving exchange. I thank about trees on a daily basis! (Hug them whenever possible...) Through my friend at the Unitarian fellowship/sisterhood, Ray, I am learning more about the amazing variety of trees on our planet - each with its own special gift. Ray is the Tree Director at Groundworks, a RI organization that supports gardening and tree planting in the city, particulary in lower income neighborhoods and parks. Would that as a species we were as mutually supportive as we are with trees! A revolutionary thought! My friend Bill Coffin in Atlanta, an arborist, has been fighting that city since they fired him after he reported incidents in which big construction developers were paying off members of the city arborist team to allow them to cut down trees and build in the city. And then there is the tragedy of big corporate greed and the rain forests...
So I am feeling kinship with trees. In my meditation group this week, our leader provided a guided meditation that took us to a place where we could feel safe and comforted: a vision came to me of a home in a tree trunk - a cozy magical space like the residence of Winnie the Pooh.
I realize that my affection for trees comes from their double function: roots that keep us grounded, boughs reach up that provide a launching spot when we want to fly. I am at the moment looking out at our amazing maple tree next to our driveway: the boughs and leaves are dancing in a breeze that suggests impending rain; robins and sparrows come in for landings, dart off to another leafy perch; the sun comes from behind a cloud and light reaches through the green spaces. May we keep grounded yet fly towards mutual support, community and life!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
MID SUMMER DAYS AND NIGHTS
Once again a week!
Despite my leave from work for my weekly chemo, I have been busy - thinking, resting and writing. As I have been sitting on our deck, looking out at my midsummer garden, I am filled with thanks, concentrating on life and health. I have been writing a small presentation for Sunday at our Unitarian congregation in honor of Thomas Jefferson - focusing on his amazing gardens - his devotion to both beauty and usefulness - liberty and sustenance. Last summer, Beth, my brother George, my grand nephew Palmer and I visited Monticello and spent the day in awe - of the house and it's wonders, but primarily of the phenomenal gardens.
I was reminded that Jefferson and all the folks of his time - European settlers, slaves, native Americans - depended on gardens and plants for sustenance and survival, and for healing. And of course, I was reminded of the contradictions of Jefferson himself, and ourselves: that we excoriate systems of oppression while we continue to benefit from their existence.
I continue to explore natural remedies for my own journey, even as I submit to the chemical treatment of my little monster. But I hope to find plant based applications to send said monster into apoptosis!
And I have the gift of this time to focus on returning my body to health, strengthening my spirit and my resolve. Last evening, Beth and I had a marvelous dinner with friends from Bell Street Chapel - Ellen and Stu. These gentle amazing people have a small organic farm, raising chickens, turkey, and the most beautiful vegetable plants. Ellen herself is struggling with a difficult neuro-muscular disease, but has the most amazing spirit and determination. They raised four sons on this magical garden space, Ellen was a teacher and Stu a social worker. We were joined by Carol and Arlene, two other wonderful members of our Unitarian community. I felt my own journey strengthened by this lovely evening.
Once again, I see the ways that my journey is bringing a wealth of friendships and the expansion of my own universe as I learn from new friends. I wish to all my dear readers a wonderful 4th of July weekend - may each of you find joy in family, community and celebration, and the belief in 'revolution'! xx
Sunday, June 27, 2010
So, dear readers, my first week away from work was filled with family and frolic. After chemo on Monday and the usual Tuesday recovery space, my brother George came to visit on Tuesday night for a short two and a half day visit from Virginia. We had the great fortune to be able to use the Grossi family beach cottage at Charlestown RI for the three nights - wonderful chemo recovery space, complemented by the best possible June weather (despite dire predictions of storms.)
As Bro G said, the visit started with my space out - in my rush to get to the bus station to pick him up, I grabbed Beth's keys - and didn't discover it until half way from Providence to Charlestown. George was a champ, turned around and drove back to N. Providence, and we continued with our rambling dialogue - in the pouring rain! With the proper keys, we got to Charlestown and settled in for the first night of sea air (what healing breath.)
Over two days, we settled into our natural sibling chat - we share so many interests including progressive politics, philosophy, education, travel and people watching. We chatted on strolls to the beach, kayaking the beach pond a bit, lounging under the spreading birch tree, and eating steamed lobsters, steamers, little necks and corn. Now this is a chemo recovery path I recommend! I especially enjoy my brother's excitement about science - he teachers middle school science (after a 20 year stint as a computer nerd for the Navy!) We share a love for the periodic table (mine philosophical, his scientific) and our awe about our universe. Pic at left of our compass rose - great way to beautify a septic! There can be beauty in every function... p.s. earth wind, water and fire design by Madelin, age 9) Our conversations made me want to go back and take high school chemistry again, and physics for the first time - maybe this is ahead for me!
Our hours and days together were the best gift - I thank my brother and our partners.
Then - Saturday Beth and I hosted the "Madolympics" - a birthday party for niece Madelin, famly and pals in our back yard. We had a torch parade, amazing contests ( hula hoop tricks, ringtone dance contest, slippy slide marathon - the "Madolympics cardboard medals are treasures for all) topped off by a giant "jumpy house" for kids of all ages. My Beth of course created Madelin's favorite meal of chicken wings, rice and salad, plus killer guacamole and an almond pound cake! As more than 20 people gathered for the food and fun, I was reminded again of how important it is for me to be surrounded by family, laughter and love. I am one of the more fortunate humans in the universe! (Note the poppies - seeds from Mom who was there in spirit for this gorgeous day!) Life is a bloomin' miracle!
As Bro G said, the visit started with my space out - in my rush to get to the bus station to pick him up, I grabbed Beth's keys - and didn't discover it until half way from Providence to Charlestown. George was a champ, turned around and drove back to N. Providence, and we continued with our rambling dialogue - in the pouring rain! With the proper keys, we got to Charlestown and settled in for the first night of sea air (what healing breath.)
Over two days, we settled into our natural sibling chat - we share so many interests including progressive politics, philosophy, education, travel and people watching. We chatted on strolls to the beach, kayaking the beach pond a bit, lounging under the spreading birch tree, and eating steamed lobsters, steamers, little necks and corn. Now this is a chemo recovery path I recommend! I especially enjoy my brother's excitement about science - he teachers middle school science (after a 20 year stint as a computer nerd for the Navy!) We share a love for the periodic table (mine philosophical, his scientific) and our awe about our universe. Pic at left of our compass rose - great way to beautify a septic! There can be beauty in every function... p.s. earth wind, water and fire design by Madelin, age 9) Our conversations made me want to go back and take high school chemistry again, and physics for the first time - maybe this is ahead for me!
Our hours and days together were the best gift - I thank my brother and our partners.
Then - Saturday Beth and I hosted the "Madolympics" - a birthday party for niece Madelin, famly and pals in our back yard. We had a torch parade, amazing contests ( hula hoop tricks, ringtone dance contest, slippy slide marathon - the "Madolympics cardboard medals are treasures for all) topped off by a giant "jumpy house" for kids of all ages. My Beth of course created Madelin's favorite meal of chicken wings, rice and salad, plus killer guacamole and an almond pound cake! As more than 20 people gathered for the food and fun, I was reminded again of how important it is for me to be surrounded by family, laughter and love. I am one of the more fortunate humans in the universe! (Note the poppies - seeds from Mom who was there in spirit for this gorgeous day!) Life is a bloomin' miracle!
Monday, June 21, 2010
TIME TO PROCEED WITH LIFE!
Well, dear patient readers, a whole week without a post - what a busy life! (and early bedtimes) I had chemo last Monday, and worked every day last week, at least some hours. Now as I continue with weekly chemo, I am on leave. It's a strange feeling for someone who has been so career and job oriented (progressive adult and youth education - in the context of progressive social change). I have had a chromatic range of emotions as I enter this time to focus on getting healthy, evicting the little monster.
First, there is that weirdly exhilarating combination of fear and excitement: like the moments before you propel yourself into a back flip on the diving board. Where will I land? Can I adjust myself to this knew unknown function in space? What will I DO with myself?
Then there is the sadness: I will be out of the loop, I won't be identified with this greater purpose, I will become invisible.
Finally there is relief and a calm waiting: I have always actually looked forward to the unknown. So today, after another chemo, I walk in the garden, speak to the plants, admire the amazing summer blooms and concentrate on quieting my mind.
As noted by Mr. Majorium of the Magic Emporium: Life is an occassion - rise to it!
I will keep you posted! xx
Monday, June 7, 2010
BACk IN THE SADDLE
Hi all - just a note after beginning second round chemo. Carboplatin and Taxol today. THINK SHRINK! Beth and I went to the American Cancer Society Rhode Island survivor's day yesterday - a few interesting 'booths', a few speakers, but generally disappointing. Several of the hospitals had tables with information, and we DID get free chair massages. I had hoped there would be a more interactive opportunity, maybe workshops where we as ' survivors' could discuss more about integrated services, and the ways that things such as Reiki, massages, meditation, acupuncture support treatment, even reports of clinical studies, such as the dream study I am now a part of. Oh well, so much for that.
I do hope to do more research myself about such areas - such as the work being done in Texas and Europe. Will report soon! Otherwise, my garden is my best therapy, bringing the beauty and hope of blooms and new growth (the healthy kind!) Above is the Goddess of Spring in our garden with the unbelievable iris (blooms now sadly past) but below you can see the now blooming poppies, etc. I am determined to be as 'perrenial' as these amazing gifts of nature. Also the blue spot is a deck chair, an important kind of therapy for me this summer! I will be meditating and chanting from this chair on many occasions.
With the earth capable of such amazing presentation, why is it we squander our gifts, poisoning the mother of us all, possibly feeding unwanted growth (such as the big 'C') rather than cherishing the beauty that is our natural world?
As a species, are we capable of valuing these gifts enough to survive on the planet? Hmmmmmm.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
SYMBOLS OF SURVIVING
I'm very excited about an American Cancer Society conference coming up this weekend exploring integrated treatments: providing psycho/social support along with chemo and radiation. The Women & Infants Women's Oncology Center has many integrated elements, including Reiki, acupuncture, a writing group and a new one for me: Exploring Symbols and Images as a Pathway to Positive Survival.
Yesterday I attended the 'Symbols ' group led by W & I Licensed Social Worker Sandra Shields. She is grounded in Jungian psychology, and believes strongly in the power of the unconscious and imagery.
We participated in a 'guided meditation' called 'slowing down time' - a wonderfully relaxing exercise for which we had lavender eye pillows and blankets (!) Letting go of the tight control of our conscious minds is so hard - but I was lulled into a strong meditative state.
After this, Sandra asked us to draw/paint any imagery that came to mind. For many, it was the image of floating, of water, and the image from the meditation of a slowly drifting feather. As I started to draw the image of a turtle came to me: I used my 'mandala' practice as a base, and drew a turtle based sketch with waves and fish and the moon.
Later, Sandra told me that turtles are one of the 'archetypal' images, representing female nature, longevity, unity between heaven and earth, survival through the long slow journey.
So I continue with my long slow journey, taking time to savor each day and each moment, learning about self in the world. Survival is on my mind for so many reasons beyond the personal: the terrible toll of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the criminal negligence of British Petroleum giving us the horrendous Gulf oil spill, the continuing struggles for so many to survive disasters, both natural and human made. We carry the world on our backs. xx
Friday, May 28, 2010
ONWARD, ONWARD
Hi all! Well, I finally have my next treatment cycle settled. We finally met with my oncologist on Wednesday, and were able to actually see the little monster in the CT Scan snapshot. Nasty little bugger! But smaller and less nasty than four months ago! Apparently, it has gone from the size of a large lemon to the size of a small plum.
The lymph nodes on my neck are no bigger than green peas - also a great thing. We are heading towards remission!!
This summer I will be on a bit more rigorous treatment plan - weekly treatments. I will be taking sick leave time in order to give my body maximum ability to benefit from the treatments. Summer recovery in the garden!! Flowers growing, tumors shrinking!
I am also excited as I have signed on to an official study looking at dream images of cancer patients. I will be keeping a dream log for 12 weeks. The researchers are looking for common images, and ways dialogue about these images can aid in creating positive psychological stance during chemo and radiation therapy. I am fascinated by this integrated approach!
I continue to draw my dreams, and create mandalas - letting that inner self speak to my recovering body. And of course, all of your positive feedback and support is the foundation for my journey. Love to you all.
xxapopsal
Friday, May 21, 2010
LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
Well, loyal readers, today was a lesson in acceptance and living the moment. I have been in such an anticipatory mood all week - living for the tomorrow that was today - and of course, the news I had been waiting for didn't happen. I am processing the life lesson in this.
I awoke this morning at 4:30, and in my anxious state, couldn't sleep. Finally I put on my sweats and my Red Sox cap, and went out on the front porce to meet the dawn. The sky over our 'river of highway' was a soft peach, like the inside of a shell, and the birds were having quite a morning conference. The air was sweet and warming. I breathed in the preciousness of the new day, observing the deepening green of our across-the-street woods, the deep fuscia of our rhododendron, the sweet pink of the bleeding heart by the stone house. How amazing that we experience what we call pleasure and beauty from our sensory input.
Beth and Frankie the Beagle finally awoke, and we readied ourselves for the Important Appointment. We arrived at the Women's Cancer Center a bit early. Shortly I was called to an examining room, and a nurse came in to take my vital signs (I was feeling quite vital - eager to hear the news!) Then a Nurse Practitioner came in with a worried look. Dr. Dizon is stuck in traffic and won't be here for your appointment. Not only that, the machine that relays the CT scan results is "on the blink" - (honey you ain't gonna get no news today!)
Dear readers, my joyous mood dissolved within minutes. I know of course we all are human, cars and machines break down, this IS the moment. Could I accept it immediately with equanimity? No way. After a few angry tears, I got myself together, and Beth and I prepared to leave. Luckily, the social worker I have been working with, Sandra, was on site - we were able to sit with her to process the events.
It's so hard for us to truly accept the uncertainty of life. We act as if we truly might KNOW what's going to happen next. We always say - "I could walk out and get hit by a bus", but we don't really think it will happen. We WILL be able to get to our job, to get to appointments, to carry out our plans. We live for what comes next (Waiting for Godot) and the moment passes us by.
SO THAT'S THE NEWS FRIENDS - NO NEWS! But rather a reminder to cherish each minute of each day, and expect the unexpected. Until we meet again - Happy Trails! xx
Thursday, May 20, 2010
NOT ABANDONED!
Dearest readers, I haven't abandoned you - don't despair! Just a very busy week - have been a bit tired and under the weather. Good news: had my CT scan on Tuesday - what fun. I was able to down the chalky stuff so readers could see my innards light up - certainly a strange experience. Sort of Zen sliding through the large doughnut hole(Check out this CT scan art!!) It is quite amazing that technology now allows us to look INSIDE the body - a slice of life as it were. Tomorrow I have my Dr. appointment to find out the latest prognosis. It is a bit nerve wracking, but I am SOOOO eager to find out how much the little monster has shrunk.
I am also excited that the RI branch of the American Cancer Society is having a conference next month looking at alternative/integrated therapies and their effectiveness alone or in combination with chemo and radiation. There will be representatives from an exciting center in Texas, the Anderson center, that has been a major center for alternative therapy for years.
I am also excited that the RI branch of the American Cancer Society is having a conference next month looking at alternative/integrated therapies and their effectiveness alone or in combination with chemo and radiation. There will be representatives from an exciting center in Texas, the Anderson center, that has been a major center for alternative therapy for years.
Speaking of alternative therapies - I had acupuncture for the first time! It was a fascinating experience - a lovely woman who studied in Boston administered the little needle, and I lay like a happy pincushion while she played meditation CD's. It certainly was relaxing - I'm not sure it relieved my neuropathy much (numb toes) but I enjoyed it a great deal.
So I will report tomorrow, dear readers with the BIG NEWS! Have a great evening!! xx
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
METAMORPHSIS
HOORAY! HUZZAH! YIPPEE! And whatever other cheers that come to mind - my cancer marker numbers are WAY down! When first diagnosed, I had numbers up beyond 500 - recently in the 300's, and this week - 79 and falling!
Thanks to all the love an support that has surrounded me as I continue this strange journey. While I'm not quite to the desired number (18 or below), this steep decline has me much encouraged! Next week, I have the strange tunnel pictures made (CT Scan) that will tell more about the little monster. Beth and I have had a continuing image of butterflies, sneaking into my body, landing on the tumor, and with each landing, melting the monster away. Recently, I've had another image, that these healing butterflies actually transform the tumor into a caterpillar, that metamorphosizes into another healing butterfly, and flies out to find and transform other tumors.
I hope to use all the energy you all have passed my way to help with other kinds of positive change, such as advocating for truly universal health care, truly equal opportunity in education, and a real metamorphosis from the economic dictatorship of a few to sharing of the wealth. We have a ways to go... But this journey makes me so aware of how I want to spend this gift of time.
As winter has finally turned to spring, our scarlet honeysuckle is blooming, the peonies are about to pop, and I'm loving getting my hands in the dirt. Here's to the turning of the earth...
Thanks to all the love an support that has surrounded me as I continue this strange journey. While I'm not quite to the desired number (18 or below), this steep decline has me much encouraged! Next week, I have the strange tunnel pictures made (CT Scan) that will tell more about the little monster. Beth and I have had a continuing image of butterflies, sneaking into my body, landing on the tumor, and with each landing, melting the monster away. Recently, I've had another image, that these healing butterflies actually transform the tumor into a caterpillar, that metamorphosizes into another healing butterfly, and flies out to find and transform other tumors.
I hope to use all the energy you all have passed my way to help with other kinds of positive change, such as advocating for truly universal health care, truly equal opportunity in education, and a real metamorphosis from the economic dictatorship of a few to sharing of the wealth. We have a ways to go... But this journey makes me so aware of how I want to spend this gift of time.
As winter has finally turned to spring, our scarlet honeysuckle is blooming, the peonies are about to pop, and I'm loving getting my hands in the dirt. Here's to the turning of the earth...
Friday, May 7, 2010
MORE FAMILY FUN!
As I approach the end of one chemo cycle and begin planning for the next, I have been celebrating with family and friends! Last week was an amazing week, with a fantastic visit from grad school friend Virginia C., gathering of my prison volunteer pals with Liz M. and Sally E., plus Bobbi H. and my Beth, breakfast with first RI friend Marilyn, and visit from Sister Sue and husband Tom for the weekend, and a shared meal with cousins Louise and Mary! Whew! A whirlwind of appreciation.
As I have written earlier, this strange journey has intensified so many relationships - and brought me closer to friends across the country. The ongoing responses on this blog from Lorraine in Atlanta, (remember 'Edge of Night' commune?), Vicki in Boston, of the Atlanta days, brother George in Virginia, friend Mimi in Ohio, birthday buddy Janet here in Providence, and many more, always brighten my moments.
"Our own life is the instrument with which we experiment with the truth."
Thich Nhat Hanh
Thich Nhat Hanh
And in this life, I am experimenting with the truths of love and hope, the gifts of so many. Today is a balmy May day, with trees and grass dressed in the new spring green, a balmy breeze caressing our passages, and sun warming our moments. The door is open to the future. Enjoy, dear readers!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)