I was a caregiver to my wife, who suffered from mesothelioma cancer. She has told me that she cannot comprehend how difficult it must have been for me, and I have only brought up the subject to her once. I hope to share more freely with the following story.
Our first and only child was born three months before my wife was diagnosed. We went from being joyous to being afraid and uncertain about the future. When the doctor told us it was mesothelioma, I looked at my crying wife and wondered how we would deal with the situation. I was very overwhelmed with emotion as the doctor informed us of the choices we had and the difficult decisions still ahead.
Right after the diagnosis, I experienced severe anger in which I had difficulty controlling myself, and I often used profanity. Over time, realizing that I needed to be there not only for my wife but also for my daughter, I regained emotional control. While I still had slips, I made an effort to show strength in my wife's presence and give her something to lean on.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned was how to prioritize my time. My list of tasks was endless, involving our daughter, our pets and making travel arrangements. I managed to accomplish what I needed to by focusing on the most important things and accepting help from other people when I needed it. We were fortunate that so many people cared and wanted to help. Even so, I felt weighed down by all the responsibility I was carrying.
Following Heather's surgery in Boston, there was a period of two months that was extremely difficult. She was in South Dakota with her parents and our daughter, who had been staying with them. The purpose of the trip was to allow Heather recovery time between the surgery and the next step in her mesothelioma treatment, which was radiation and chemotherapy. During this 60-day period, I saw my wife and daughter only once, after driving 11 hours through a snowstorm. I had left work on Friday and had to return by Monday, so it was a quick turnaround trip that left me little in the way of quality time.
Despite how difficult it was to be separated from my family, I do not look at that dark period as any kind of loss. Having Heather and Lily stay with Heather's parents was the most sensible thing to do, as I would not have been able to care for her on my own and still go to work each day. It was something that had to be done and only one of the many challenging decisions we were forced to make. I was grateful we still had the ability to make those choices.
During that time, I learned that it was okay to let others help me and take some of the burden from my shoulders. It helped us both feel like we were still in control during all the uncertainty. Through all of our struggles, Heather is still here and still healthy over six years later. I hope that our story can be a source of hope and help to those currently battling cancer.
No comments:
Post a Comment