About a month ago I received an e mail from Cameron St. John, who had discovered my blog.
He asked if I could put his story on my blog. One important element of support for those of us
who are patients and caregivers is our connection to each other, as only we understand the
impact of this disease on both patient and caregiver/family. It is with please that I introduce
this honest and hopeful story - another tale of love and survival! Here is Cameron's story:
.A Caregiver's Story
cannot comprehend how difficult it must have been for
me, and I have
only brought up the
subject to her once. I hope to share more freely with
the
following story.
Our first and only child was born three months
before
my wife was diagnosed. We went from
being joyous to being afraid and
uncertain about the
future. When the doctor told us it was
mesothelioma, I
looked at my crying wife and
wondered how we would deal with the situation.
I
was very overwhelmed with emotion as the doctor
informed us of the choices we
had and
the difficult decisions still ahead.
Right after the diagnosis, I experienced severe
anger in which I had difficulty controlling myself,
and I often used profanity.
Over time, realizing that I needed to be there not only for my wife but
also
for my daughter, I regained emotional control. While I still had slips, I made
an effort to
show strength in my wife's presence and give her something to lean
on.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned was
how to prioritize my time. My list of tasks was
endless, involving our
daughter, our pets and making travel arrangements. I managed to
accomplish what
I needed to by focusing on the most important things and accepting help from
other people when I needed it. We were fortunate that so many people cared and
wanted to
help. Even so, I felt weighed down by all the responsibility I was
carrying.
Following Heather's surgery in Boston, there was
a period of two months that was extremely
difficult. She was in South Dakota
with her parents and our daughter, who had been staying
with them. The purpose
of the trip was to allow Heather recovery time between the surgery and
this 60-day period,
I saw my wife and daughter only once, after driving 11 hours through a
snowstorm. I had left work on Friday and had to return by Monday, so it was a
quick turnaround
trip that left me little in the way of quality time.
Despite how difficult it was to be separated
from my family, I do not look at that dark period as
any kind of loss. Having Heather
and Lily stay with Heather's parents was the most sensible
thing to do, as I
would not have been able to care for her on my own and still go to work each
day. It was something that had to be done and only one of the many challenging
decisions we were forced to make. I was grateful we still had the ability to
make those choices.
During that time, I learned that it was okay to
let others help me and take some of the burden
from my shoulders. It helped us
both feel like we were still in control during all the uncertainty.
Through all
of our struggles, Heather is still here and still healthy over six years
later.
I hope that our story can be a
source of hope and help to those currently battling cancer.
Note to all: Responses welcome - let's keep the support conversation going!
