Back at home! got sprung yesterday p.m. - what a relief! Wish the weather were like this>>>>>

Can't wait to get my hands in the dirt, see the perenniels sprout, plant some magic seeds (as we suffer through 10 degrees...)

Thanks to all for well wishing - warms my heart (if not my tootsies.) Researching chemo history - will report later! For those in RI, stay warm and dry - in Virginia, get out your snow boots - in California, wish we were there. xx

So friends!! Have been hanging out with my friend at right - a few days in the Flu hotel. Boy, chemo sure strips you of defenses! Was supposed to have a 'port' installed, instead, they installed me in a room with a view. Got to see the med systems in action, as the team of delightful nurses buzzed around me, kept me warm, safe and now hopefully flu free. Am realizing just how careful I have to be -

At any rate, as noted, one down five to go. Am learning the lovely side effects of this regimen - (some day we may look at this the way we now look at 'bleeding' ...) At least I have a great team of docs and nurses, plus wonderful support.

Also thinking of our stalled 'health reform' - how is it that we, the most prosperous nation... I think of anyone without coverage learning of cancer - or those inadequately covered - not a pretty picture. When?? When?? (As we further enable big corps to influence our pols). So, am back at home, greetings to all amazing support. xApopSal

First drip down, 5 to go!! - Onward Apoptosis!

Have Chemo - make new friend!! A new adventure. Went in to the Chemo center at W& I - was ushered into a small room with recliners, a t.v., chairs for visitors. A woman was already 'hooked up', and her friend was with her. Beth and I settled in - my chemo nurse 'June' (I call her Junebug) attempted to hook me up - had trouble with the veins - so the head nurse found another. I am truly a pincushion at this point. Gabby Girl that I am, I began chatting with my 'roommates'. Barbara is on treatment #4 for breast cancer - her care giver, Shannon, a niece, (only 42) has had both breast and lung cancer - cancer free at the moment.

We found much in common with our 'roomies', (they didn't mind our chattiness) and the time went quickly for several hours. A strange phenomenon - poison dripping in, targeting those bad boys in the body. Our chats with Barb and Shannon reinforced my growing understanding of how many of us are affected by cancer, yet in many ways we walk invisible among the innocent.

The calming effect of our roomie chatting calmed down both Beth and myself. We had had a difficult night and morning. The devil fear had crept in, despite my ongoing efforts to ban such thoughts and emotions. I know I have to let those feelings in sometimes, but it is exhausting. I will write more later about fear - am looking at the unbelievable power of this emotion.

Beth left at noon, and friend Judy joined me for several hours - sandwich lunch courtesy of the chemo center, lots of cranberry juice. Judy and I talked spirituality and randomness. The random nature of such things as cancer is an overwhelming reality for me - who knew??

The last hour or so I meditated, sketched, read. Junebug unhooked me - Beth came to fetch, and I escaped. Last night I was wide awake (the steroids apparently) but managed to get to sleep. More pills pills pills. Strange for me as I have never taken many meds. Am home today measuring the after effects. So far nothing! Hope to be one of the lucky ones. So that's a chemo day, friends. Meditate for Apop! xxSal

Family and friends

So I've always been this glass-half-full gal to the point my buddies wince at my endless optimism. (Eyes roll) This new situation has certainly sobered me - but I continue to look for and find the gifts even from the big C. A special thanks this morning to my amazing families - my own in Virginia, and Beth's here in RI. Everyone has gathered 'round -a comfort circle that keeps me from falling off the cliff. My soul breathes.

And of course, you all, my fantastic family of friends, have formed a protective coating: I have been feeling sometimes like a turtle stripped of it's shell - you shield me, encircle me, give me strength and hope. Love is the shell I will never outgrow.

My dear friend Sue in Worcester is experiencing some 'aftershocks' of radiation - send some positive meditations in her direction! Sue, our love enfolds you!

So it's off to my last day before Chemo - will update - am doing some research on the history of chemo - will share! As always, thanks and share!!

Light is LIfe!

Hi all - moving to chemo next week - either the clinical trial or the 'standard' - can't wait to get going! Beautiful winter light and blue sky today - thinking of the ways that light gives us color in our lives. Am lit up by the energy of light! Thinking this week of the incredible privileges I have had to be a part of efforts for social change - MLK day and African American History Month remind me of my tiny part in supporting Civil Rights. Looking for recommended readings - let me know for my chemo days! Also starting a 'visual journal' of my journey.

Also thinking of the horror of Haiti and the courage of survivors. A lesson to us all for humanity and our community. Join in!

Hi friends!

Off to the Women's Cancer Center - gray winter day, but happy to be in it. Thanks for becoming followers!! xxSal

greetings!

Friends and supporters - so many of you have sent words of encouragement, ideas and info. I am on the road on this cancer adventure. I hope through this online journal to keep you updated about my progress, but also to share information about this thing we call cancer, women's health, health care and possibilities.

I have named the blog 'ApopSal' from the word 'apoptosis' which means 'cell suicide'. This is what I want - the natural self destruction of these cancer cells that have organized as this wierd tumor attached to my uterus. I am exploring both medical models inducing apoptosis and meditation models which many believe can induce apoptosis.

My current path:
I am scheduled to start chemo treatment next week. I am hoping to be cleared for a 'clinical trial' using substances that try to stimulate apoptosis along with the toxic chemo that attacks the cancer cells. I have a small problem standing in the way with my kidney, but am hoping to be cleared this weekend.

I am working as much as possible with all these tests: I continue to love my literacy/ developmental reading work and continue to explore brain based learning research as well as the importance of affective support - convincing my students that they are indeed smart and able to become critical readers. As many of you know, the community college path is the hope for hundreds of thousands of students needing to grow their critical thinking and learning skills, and to find an academic path towards life goals. Many of my students are older returning adults shoved off the manufacturing life path and needing to find another way to grow and exist. But many are also kids - those who are digital savvy but don't have the magic of the reading process to stimulate their brains.

So I keep myself occupied and thinking - also trying to do more drawing and painting and advocacy when I can. Dearest friends and supporters - that's the present news from ApopSal!