IT'S A CIRCULAR THING..

Sorry for the almost week absence from the blog, loyal fans and friends - had a bit of a glitch this week. Of course, Beth and I are thrilled that the less than perfect Health Bill has passed - what a struggle it has been. Obama, true to his nature, had the tenacity to stick with it, and Nancy Pelosi is quite the magician in the house - she just turned 70!! (think she's a natural brunette these days...?) As the notices come in telling me what these treatment adventures are costing, and what my insurance is (thank the goddess) paying, I am particularly happy about ending life time limit! You never think of these things 'til they come your way...

I'm always learning new info about big C treatments and side effects! I'm Also so much more aware of this amazing machine we call out body, and the strange alien invader called Cancer. When the old bod is working well, the system is amazing, particularly blood, heart, lungs, etc. But the demon C really gets in the way of that perfect design system. I was experiencing puffier than usual kankles - called my doc, and found myself in the ER for five hours. Old magazines and chatty nurses saved me! The result: a blood clot, so I'm now on a blood thinner, a Lovenox junkie!

So the good news, despite the glitch, is this: once again, my doc says the chemo is taking it's toll on the little monster. The less then great news is that this chemo adventure will probably be extended, unless my meditations and your support really have disappeared that alien completely - keep that energy going!

Meanwhile, I just sit in my chair and relax... let everything just 'flow'! I'm gazing at the fading day, enjoying our fig tree in the corner that has sprouted unbelievable leaves and figs - getting ready to be on the deck! I have watched as this potted house-tree has gone from dormant twigs to gorgeous green decor, even figs! As the seasons roll, I embrace life, and you all.

To be continued!

PRE EXISTING HOPE!

Hi all - a gray day after a glorious weekend - but hurrahs for the health bill! While far from perfect, the new bill seems to hold the promise for some controls on the insurance industry, and hope for those with no insurance. I guess for me, hope does bloom eternal...

I actually worked in the garden yesterday for several hours, removing the blankets of leaves from perennial beds. As I got my fingers into the earth, I was aware again of my great good fortune that I am weathering this big C adventure with apparent success at the moment. To experience the magic of the coming of spring - such a gift!

I send thoughts and meditations to three friends battling the beasts: Linda in surgery once again, Kathy facing the challenges of a brain tumor, and Ellen in recovery from yet another surgery. These three are among my courageous colleagues whose strength inspires me. At our Unitarian Fellowship yesterday, our visiting presenter spoke of 'alienation and connection - control and surrender'. In his marvelous message he reminded me that only through surrender (acceptance) of things I can't control can I reach for the life giving connections so generously offered by so many including you my blogfriends. But 'surrender' doesn't mean giving up - it means recognizing reality - that in this random experience called life, we accept and move on: as a quote I read recently reminds me: LIFE IS AN OCCASION - RISE TO IT! So on my creaky knees...

SPRUNG!

So Spring is in the air, and I move on and on. I walked the Bristol Community College campus today, and look towards post chemo active life. Feeling great this week - at work!

I've been following the tortured politics of the Obama health initiative, once again thinking of big C folks without enough insurance - why can't we do this as a nation? Raise your voices, friends, to our so called representatives so we can join the civilized world.

Glad I can pick all of you as friends! Just a short note reflecting sunshine and cheer after my last rainy post!

xSal

WHETHER REPORT

Spoiled by sun and hints of spring, gray days returned this weekend. Since spending more time alone and at home, I've been more keenly aware of the effects of weather on my psyche. The sun, light streaming in, warmth - these energize me, feelings of hope and possibility. The cool rainy gray days engender a more reflective space - the shadows stretch into my imagination. In some ways, this is a creative journey - an inward exploration. Whether I like it or not, I am drawn to new thoughts.

What am I learning about myself from this strange journey? I have found that I need to breathe, to allow moments for thought. I need to slow the pace, to allow myself to float in the uncertainty of it all, to wait for awareness to enter. What's the rush? What do I value? I am drawn always to the treasure of human contact, the love and friendship - I thrive on this weaving chain! But also, I am opening to the hours with only my thoughts or images. There are two windows, a corner of light in our family room that I face always when sitting at home. Our fig tree lives in this space and has now greeted the extended days with an array of graceful green, festooned with its generous mantle of leaves. Did I notice, appreciate her last year? I think not.

In contrast, outside in the damp chill, one lone brown leaf from last year is battered by the wind, hanging on until the new growth crowds the carcase of yesterday, pushing it to the earth bed below.

Life, change, death, new life. Chaotic gardener that I am, I rejoice in the cycles, greeting renewal as seasonal celebration, awaiting the surprises of spring. I seldom dwell in the shadows, but they are there when I need them. The sun is returning, spring is on the way - chemo is half over!

IN APPRECIATION OF STRANGE GIFTS

Hi all - Half way there!! Had my third chemo yesterday - all went well. Best news of all - MY CANCER MARKERS ARE LOWER - THE PROCESS SEEMS TO BE WORKING! I feels so encouraged and blessed, reflecting on the strange gifts of this experience.

I wouldn't have thought about it, but chemo turns out to be an amazing way to make new friends, and have quality time with old ones. This strange blessing that is cancer. Yesterday, my chemo roommate turned out to be a woman who has been a reading specialist for 35 years. We spent several hours talking reading - she worked in Barrington, RI, and has also done tutoring for learning disabled students. We had a delightful conversation, and plan to stay in touch. Good thing my name is Gabb!

Also, friend Judy came by - we chatted about one of my latest book adventures (that's another gift - time to read!) The Finch and the Beak a book discussing work in the Galapagos Islands confirming Darwin's theories of natural selection and evolution. Judy was a science/chemistry/engineering major once upon a time. The amazing thing about this research done by several couples is their ability to stay focused on counting finches, recognizing coloring and beaks, and recording in millimeters the length and width of bird beaks. We agreed that such researchers have a bit of OCD - certainly not for AAD folks like us! I recommend this somewhat dense tome (gifted by friend Janet - thanks!) because despite the long discussion of measuring beaks, it is beautifully written, and inspires awe at our human effort to understand this amazing thing called life. Another gift: that this condition and time allow me to pause and appreciate our experience in this physical world, as well as to reflect on it's horrors and contradictions.

And of course, a window of spring to come is visiting us this week. Certainly a healing process! Light expanded, lengthened brightening our days and our thoughts. Frankie the beagle and I sat on the front porch this morning absorbing the morning sun and dreaming of hands in the dirt planting. We both smiled as the light and warmth bathed us, Frankie lost in his dog thoughts, and I reflecting on miracles.

Saturday, my brother in law Donnie and Sis in law Trish gave the gift of help in our yard - worked with me, raking the blanket of leaves from our garden beds to reveal spikes of green as the bulbs push up. What glorious moments as the cycle of nature moves on to remind us of the amazing design of nature. I've been chatting on this blog about research, clinical trials and the like - and today am thankful for human science. Our persistent need as human beings to figure out our physical selves and our relationship to what to we perceive to be our physical world and universe leads to amazing activities and discoveries. In addition, the parallel pursuit of understanding our psychological and spiritual selves seems to be moving towards connections.

When friend from Atlanta Roger, who works at the CDC, told me of a conference in Norway exploring the work of a scientist - yoga master there, I was thrilled. Apparently, this man is gaining recognition for his work studying the effects of meditation, yoga and breathing techniques to enhance healing. Wish I could have flown to Norway last week!

Also, a friend gifted me a star! There is now a Sally Gabb star in the constellation of Andromeda! (A positive Andromeda strain....) I have always loved the reminder that we are indeed start stuff - and now I'm registered!

As always, friends near and far - your support, communication and love is helping to bring me to a positive conclusion in this strange adventure. As spring brings light and change into our lives, I extend my eternal thanks and love. xxxxSal

CLINICAL TRIALS - HISTORY LESSON,THE LIMEYS

Hi all - am in the process of looking for other clinical trials for my 'condition' . Clinical trails, of course, are the research projects that test the effectiveness of new drugs/ procedures that have not yet been approved by the federal standards. In my research, I have found some fascinating history of clinical trials! Here is a piece from the website "Human Genome" http://www.genome.wellcome.ac.uk/ :


" Most people think of James Lind as the father of clinical trials, since he was the first to introduce control groups into his experiments. In this manner, he documented the fact that citrus fruits in the diet could prevent scurvy. Lind carried out trials while at sea on board the Salisbury in 1747. All scurvy patients were given the same general diet but this was supplemented with various additional items, including cider, elixir vitriol, vinegar, seawater, nutmeg and (crucially) oranges and lemons. In just six days, those patients taking citrus fruits were fit for duty.


Although the results were clear, Lind hesitated to recommend the use of oranges and lemons because they were too expensive. It was nearly 50 years before the Navy eventually made lemon juice a compulsory part of the seafarer's diet, and this was soon replaced by lime juice because it was cheaper. This is why British sailors, and later the British in general, were called 'limeys' by the Americans.



Another bit of trivia for your thinking cap!

Since 1945, the ethical impact of clinical trials has become increasingly important, resulting in strict regulation of medical experiments on human subjects. These regulations have been enshrined in documents such as the Nuremburg Codex (1947) and the Declaration of Helsinki (1964 - amended repeatedly to 2001). [clearly the inhumane experimentation during the holocaust had a huge impact on these regulations]

Clinical trials have thus evolved into a standard procedure, focusing on patient safety and requiring informed consent from all participants. There will always be a balance between medical progress and patient safety, and the regulation of clinical trials helps to ensure that this balance is acceptable.

So we have to be "willing and aware" guinea pigs!! Actually, it's the funding of clinical trials that is a huge issue. since they are limited to a variety of centers around the country, the cost can be prohibitive. I may find some through Sloan-Kettering, but again the expense, and getting to NYC could be an issue. But all avenues are worth exploring!! Trial and error, as they say!

I love trying new stuff >>>>>>>>>>>> Sal