Well, loyal readers, today was a lesson in acceptance and living the moment. I have been in such an anticipatory mood all week - living for the tomorrow that was today - and of course, the news I had been waiting for didn't happen. I am processing the life lesson in this.
I awoke this morning at 4:30, and in my anxious state, couldn't sleep. Finally I put on my sweats and my Red Sox cap, and went out on the front porce to meet the dawn. The sky over our 'river of highway' was a soft peach, like the inside of a shell, and the birds were having quite a morning conference. The air was sweet and warming. I breathed in the preciousness of the new day, observing the deepening green of our across-the-street woods, the deep fuscia of our rhododendron, the sweet pink of the bleeding heart by the stone house. How amazing that we experience what we call pleasure and beauty from our sensory input.
Beth and Frankie the Beagle finally awoke, and we readied ourselves for the Important Appointment. We arrived at the Women's Cancer Center a bit early. Shortly I was called to an examining room, and a nurse came in to take my vital signs (I was feeling quite vital - eager to hear the news!) Then a Nurse Practitioner came in with a worried look. Dr. Dizon is stuck in traffic and won't be here for your appointment. Not only that, the machine that relays the CT scan results is "on the blink" - (honey you ain't gonna get no news today!)
Dear readers, my joyous mood dissolved within minutes. I know of course we all are human, cars and machines break down, this IS the moment. Could I accept it immediately with equanimity? No way. After a few angry tears, I got myself together, and Beth and I prepared to leave. Luckily, the social worker I have been working with, Sandra, was on site - we were able to sit with her to process the events.
It's so hard for us to truly accept the uncertainty of life. We act as if we truly might KNOW what's going to happen next. We always say - "I could walk out and get hit by a bus", but we don't really think it will happen. We WILL be able to get to our job, to get to appointments, to carry out our plans. We live for what comes next (Waiting for Godot) and the moment passes us by.
SO THAT'S THE NEWS FRIENDS - NO NEWS! But rather a reminder to cherish each minute of each day, and expect the unexpected. Until we meet again - Happy Trails! xx
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