METAMORPHSIS

HOORAY! HUZZAH! YIPPEE! And whatever other cheers that come to mind - my cancer marker numbers are WAY down! When first diagnosed, I had numbers up beyond 500 - recently in the 300's, and this week - 79 and falling!

Thanks to all the love an support that has surrounded me as I continue this strange journey. While I'm not quite to the desired number (18 or below), this steep decline has me much encouraged! Next week, I have the strange tunnel pictures made (CT Scan) that will tell more about the little monster. Beth and I have had a continuing image of butterflies, sneaking into my body, landing on the tumor, and with each landing, melting the monster away. Recently, I've had another image, that these healing butterflies actually transform the tumor into a caterpillar, that metamorphosizes into another healing butterfly, and flies out to find and transform other tumors.



I hope to use all the energy you all have passed my way to help with other kinds of positive change, such as advocating for truly universal health care, truly equal opportunity in education, and a real metamorphosis from the economic dictatorship of a few to sharing of the wealth. We have a ways to go... But this journey makes me so aware of how I want to spend this gift of time.

As winter has finally turned to spring, our scarlet honeysuckle is blooming, the peonies are about to pop, and I'm loving getting my hands in the dirt. Here's to the turning of the earth...

MORE FAMILY FUN!

As I approach the end of one chemo cycle and begin planning for the next, I have been celebrating with family and friends! Last week was an amazing week, with a fantastic visit from grad school friend Virginia C., gathering of my prison volunteer pals with Liz M. and Sally E., plus Bobbi H. and my Beth, breakfast with first RI friend Marilyn, and visit from Sister Sue and husband Tom for the weekend, and a shared meal with cousins Louise and Mary! Whew! A whirlwind of appreciation.

As I have written earlier, this strange journey has intensified so many relationships - and brought me closer to friends across the country. The ongoing responses on this blog from Lorraine in Atlanta, (remember 'Edge of Night' commune?), Vicki in Boston, of the Atlanta days, brother George in Virginia, friend Mimi in Ohio, birthday buddy Janet here in Providence, and many more, always brighten my moments.

"Our own life is the instrument with which we experiment with the truth."
Thich Nhat Hanh

And in this life, I am experimenting with the truths of love and hope, the gifts of so many. Today is a balmy May day, with trees and grass dressed in the new spring green, a balmy breeze caressing our passages, and sun warming our moments. The door is open to the future. Enjoy, dear readers!

CIRCLE OF ATTRIBUTION

Hello all - so glad viewers like the mandala - must be clear this one is not MINE - but found on the web by artist Paul Heussanstamm - visit his other work at http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/3kYwsP/www.mandalas.com

I hope to scan one of my own attempts soon - the process is really exciting and thought provoking. Just wanted to be clear, friends and fans! Try Google Images - mandalas - even examples to color!

From http://www.arttherapy.com/:

The Mandala (Sanskrit for “circle” or “completion”) has a long history and is recognized for its deep spiritual meaning and representation of wholeness.
Many people and cultures have vouched for the mandala’s intrinsic meaning. Buddhists, Tibetans, and Hindus have all derived meaning from the mandala and its captivating beauty. Psychoanalyst Carl Jung has called it “a representation of the unconscious self.” The mandala is widely recognized as a meaningful reflection of its creator. Mandala art therapy & healing can be a great source of reflection on one’s soul.
Mandalas can be seen all around us, but are not just people-centric. They are larger than life. Mandalas represent life as we know it, but they also represent a larger ecosystem and universe that exceeds our consciousness.

So I'm seeking mindfulness, but mindful of the socially conscious and active gift of Tich Nhat Hanh:
The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.”

And mindfulness means social action. More later! x

LONG LAST...

Hi all! Had Monday drip day - a bit challenging week, but weekend is looking up! (Sorry for the absence.. was not in the blogging space...) I'm exploring my intuitive self, drawing mandalas and examining dreams with social worker at the Center - fascinating! What the non-rational self is about while we think we know something...

I look forward to a summer of drawing and painting - while I go through another drip series. Yup, my Doc says the drip is doing it's thing, but I will be doing the dance again. I keep hearing wonderful survival stories, and we continue making future plans! My garden is popping - perennials greening in, tulips kissing the sky, forsythia turning to green as well, and peony red spikes poking into play. I've been thinking much about cycles.. life, etc. Hope spring is lightening life for you all! xSal

WOMEN PREPARED & READY

Hi all - the good news is that I am in my best week of each cycle - right before the next drip! Working every day helps me feel 'normal', and useful. I continue to be blessed with minimum of side effects, and good energy. For those who are not in Providence, I have become the 'scarf gal' - and I find that people easily sense that I might be a Big C Baldy. This opens conversations, people offer their own experiences and extend support.

So I try to be well armed with conversational scarves...(found this on "beliefnet"!) I have written often about the strange gifts of the Big C - a new avenue for sisterhood to be sure.

I'm thinking particularly about crisis areas of the world, and people with chronic or crisis conditions caught in floods, earthquakes or volcanoes. I have special admiration for Dr.s and nurses who volunteer in crisis locations - such as the Doctors without Boarders. ( Médecins Sans Frontières ). To be concerned and informed, check out their website - especially information about continuing needs in areas where the immediate crisis is past, but continuing needs are monumental. I think of people with continuing health needs such as cancer, compounded by injury, limited food, poor water, etc. We are so privileged here.

Well, the spring weather is taking a break - a damp chill in the air for the weekend - but it IS middle April! And my own "seasons" march on - enrolled in Social Security since I turned SIXTY SIX ON Monday! Just glad to be vertical on my natal day. I celebrated with my Beth, Birthday Buddy Janet, and friend Judy - raising a glass to "life goes on!" Looking forward to many years ahead! (armed and scarfed for the future....)

FAMILY

Global what? Wow, what a day - 93 degrees! As effects from the last infusion slip away, I am enjoying a fabulous visit from brother George and sis-in-law Adele from Virginia. George and Adele had quite an adventure getting to Newport from 95: their Garman geo gal wasn't aware of the many road closings and detours - they had quite a journey! But yesterday we spent this pre-seasonal summery day in downtown Prov, strolling Waterplace Park, joining the sun starved crowds, exploring Atwells Ave and Federal Hill, and relaxing with a glass of wine at the Piazza. I even went baldie at the Piazza (my shiny pate was quite heated!) and enjoyed the breeze on my noggin! (This is actually a picture of the Providence Piazza!

Each encounter with those I love has become so exquisitely special. I don't have the opportunity to visit with George and Adele in person very often, although cyberspace keeps us in close touch. But the joy of sharing a day together has been a special gift. In addition, Adele joined me for my Women's Cancer support group at Women & Infants Women's Cancer Center. Ten to 15 of us gather twice a month to share, inform, support and laugh. Adele, a Navy nurse for 20 years, (yes Ma'am Commander Gabb!) and now a school nurse, was at one point an oncology nurse and is also a cancer survivor. I was so happy to have her visit my "Women & Infants family" and to share her own experiences. (My brother, also a Navy vet and ever the explorer, found India Point Park and was happy as a quahog!)

The members of our group constantly inspire me. Most are long term survivors (10 - 13 years) and several continuing to live through various surgeries and treatments with determination, grace and humor. When I hear of various treatment experiences, I am aware of the strength of these women who affirm life at every turn. We also share about family and support, how all of those close to us also have "cancer", how we take care of each other. Enjoy sun and support, dear friends!

WEATHERING CHEMO...

Unbelievable, the Great Flood in Rhode Island! As I approached chemo on Monday, the skies had been gray for a few days, but no one expected the deluge! Monday I sat through my five hours of drip, and actually it was a rather nice if a bit overcast. Again found a chemo friend from our Unitarian Fellowship - not my favorite friendship spot, but wonderful to have collegial companionship. The extent of cancer and other related conditions on our planet makes you wonder... but we do find community as we live with them and through them.

Tuesday I enjoyed a visit from Boston pal Sal - my community of support is spectacular!

I've realized that during these visits, I am having a chance to deepen my friendships and take time for soul sharing. How we rush through our lives.....

My Beth and I attended our Unitarian Fellowship Seder, quite an experience - our first with this group! Designed to engage our small community, especially the kids, it was an evening of fun, exploring the Old Testament Moses stories complete with acting out the seven plagues (I got to do the darkness using back gooey stuff) and raising the four glasses of wine (or grape juice if you may). Little did we realize that Tuesday into Wednesday would bring about another Old Testament image (ready to launch??)

Wednesday morning we found inches of water in both of our basements - several hours of endless 'dry vac' ing later, Brother Don finally brought us a pump. Luckily, although we gained several inches of flow, it wasn't catastrophic, and today (GLORIOUS SUN) the drying begins. I must say, all the excitement of the week has helped me 'weather' the Neulasta effects - nothing like distraction! ( I went for this post chemo immune booster on Tuesday - I will be exploring the whole Neulasta/ bone marrow process for our mutual edification - more info about the amazing machine called our bodies.)

So we hope the sun will be 'bakin' the yard and the basements (I'm such a sucker for visual puns)

At least we didn't have 40 days and 40 nights... Hope we don't have a late April snow, as all my perennials are popping. Have a marvelous weekend celebrating life!